**NAMES REDACTED FOR PRIVACY**
Key:
CL - Consent Lead
HS - HouseSitter
December 9, 2020
Hello Transformus BOD, TLC, and Ignite IPA — my fellow burn community members,
Wow, 2020 has been a doozy. Thank you for all your efforts to protect the community from COVID by doing the hard job of canceling. It was the best choice. I also think you’re doing great with social media and the newsletter. THANK YOU.
I am writing today with the hope that I am able to compel Transformus as an organization to address the severe cyberbullying, call outs, and cancel culture that has consumed our community. I have already contacted the conduct committee separately, but I felt the need to make this specific ask for intervention directly with the BOD and event leadership.
Transformus has consistently been a thought-leader in the burn community and is truly ahead of the curve in the burn world. From being the catalyst that sparked 11th Principle Consent, to the amazing writing that has been published, including the Transformus BOD Statement on the Practice of The 11 Principles, Protecting the Consensual Flame, and the Black Lives Matter statement on the facebook group, y’all make me proud to call Transformus my home burn.
“For many years the Transformus Board of Directors has understood that part of our duty as leaders of the community is to extend (within the limited powers available to us) as much protection as possible to both individual participants as well as to the community as a whole. We do this because any culture that does not make every effort to protect its members will not survive and doesn’t deserve to.” ~quote from Protecting the Consensual Flame
I understand that “protection” has usually meant something more of a physical nature and that bullying, call outs, and cancellations may not fit in the intended vision. I also imagine that the ongoing bullying and call outs this year may appear to be interpersonal squabbles that aren’t that big of a deal. I am here to tell you — as a sexual assault and rape survivor — the mental anguish that I’ve experienced from being bullied, called out, and ostensibly “canceled” this year matches that level of trauma. In some ways it is worse because it is ongoing and perpetual. It makes you question your reality, it removes the support network around you, and ultimately makes you wonder if your life is worth it. It is more accurate to call what I have experienced this year emotional or psychological abuse. At least physical assault has a definitive end.
My former friend and consent colleague CL has been full of rage and vitriol for basically this whole year. She is ripping the community apart. The bullying, call outs, and psychological abuse is bad enough, but that’s not all of it. Community members are petrified. No one wants to say anything to CL or her crew. Many people that are on her call out list receive a lot of private support but people are scared to say anything in public. Plenty of this community knows it’s wrong but no one wants to get anywhere near it. No one wants to be called a racist or canceled from their community and CL frames literally everything as racism even when it has absolutely nothing to do with race.
I 100% support black lives matter and have been engaged in anti-racism efforts for over a decade. Most burners are also on board as of this year even if they weren’t before. I strongly feel we can’t automatically fall to the whims of someone’s bullying because they are black and declare the people they are bullying to be racist. That’s not right and she's not the moral arbiter of truth. Having a disagreement doesn’t equal racism. Unfortunately, no one can possibly explain that to her without becoming called out for being racist. It’s an impossible situation.
This fall (2020), there was a major re-ignition of cyberbullying that re-traumatized both myself and others. HS, who is another of CL’s cyberbullying victims and also a survivor of sexual assault feels the same: this bullying is as bad or worse than being raped. We both have become support people for each other because even our friends who are supporting us just can’t understand the depths of pain and trauma this has caused. HS has also contacted the conduct committee about her situation with CL that has been going on since February of this year.
Both of us have had mental breakdowns due to the severity of the abuse. Both of us have felt isolated because the general thought is that it’s “not a big deal” and that we should just “ignore it and let it go.” I was actually told to “shut the fuck up” because in trying to defend myself I was causing emotional labor and stress for my friends, so apparently I need to be quiet. It’s been really hard for us to heal when the community doesn’t see the trauma this is causing even when they are trying to be supportive. HS consented to my adding her name and experience to my letter to help accentuate just how bad the trauma really is.
Long-term bullying is associated with a variety of adverse consequences, including depression, anxiety, health complaints, and diminished academic achievement. Moreover, bullying can contribute to the risk of suicide and substance abuse.” (Source: https://americanaddictioncenters.org/trauma-stressor-related-disorders/effects-being-bullied-harassed)“
I am a survivor of severe childhood bullying from both teachers and students (physical and verbal). It persisted for years until my parents removed me from the school. I attempted suicide twice as a teenager. I also had substance abuse issues starting very young. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 23 years old and have since been diagnosed with CPTSD in my 30’s. I will be 39 this month and I still live with that trauma. I was once a straight-A student but I barely survived my teen years thanks to bullying, and that was after professional help that my parents provided. The potential negative outcomes of bullying are VERY serious and real.
Some of you know that I was once on leadership with Transformus. First with Sanctuary starting in 2010 and then with 11th Principle: Consent starting in 2014 — doing both concurrently for a few years. In early 2018 I was uninvited from leadership because I had become “heavy handed” in my interactions online. Well, I had publicly come out to let folks know that I was sexually assaulted in my sleep in August 2016 and while I sought therapy, the pain oozed out in many ways. I didn’t want to go to burns as I didn’t trust anyone because I was so traumatized, so my response was “I don’t want to be in leadership and can do what I want.”
I eventually received a call from a friend who is also on the board — he was tasked with having a hard talk with me and pointed out some difficult truths. Since I was in leadership for many years and was still active with 11thP outside of Tfus & Ignite, I was a “community leader” and unofficially representing 11thP and thus also Tfus & Ignite — and I was doing so very badly. It was pointed out that if I cared about the reputations of tfus, ignite, and 11thP that I should change my behavior. I actually took that to heart, opened myself up to anonymous critical feedback from the community, and worked hard to make changes and to heal my trauma. I’m grateful for that phone call and the positive changes it sparked in my life.
I know the BOD is aware of CL’s original post in June because the BLM facebook post came out after many members of Tfus leadership were called out as racists.
The October post was more vague, listing “racist, ignorant, and/or consent violating burners” — there was 1 predator on that list of names and then the rest of us who just pissed CL off in whatever way. I received calls from burners wondering if I assaulted or raped someone. That’s a wild call to get, let me tell you, but probably not as bad as one of CL’s crew framing me as a “nazi sympathizer” this October for something I said back in January about my partner worrying about being punched because of how he dresses. Yup, this all has gone on long enough for Godwin's law.
Our policy can be stated simply: we have no tolerance for any act (overt or covert, physical or verbal) that violates the right of any participant to consent to that act. ~quote from Protecting the Consensual Flame
Here are my asks of you, the Transformus BOD, in regards to this situation:
First of all, I feel that it is important to be consistent. Considering that I was uninvited/removed from leadership for being “heavy handed” online in 2018, I feel the BOD needs to make the same call here. CL has been lead of 11thP for Tfus and Ignite and her behavior is not conducive to the sensitive conversations that need to happen around consent. She also has alienated a WOC, who has taken over 11thP the non-profit organization and the two of them cannot work together. If others who are part of CL’s bullying crew are in leadership positions, they should also be removed.
Secondly, since individual people are so scared to address CL directly, I implore the organization that is Transformus to address this issue on behalf of the community. It will be difficult for CL to turn that hard talk into a smear campaign against another individual since whoever makes that call will be doing so on behalf of an entire organization. I do fear that she will publicly come out against Tfus but that’s better than another individual being tortured the way that myself, HP, and others have been.
Finally, I would LOVE to see a written piece produced by the Transformus BOD about the impacts of cancel culture and cyberbullying, including psychological trauma and the negative impact to the community. I assure you this situation is not limited to the Southeast community and I think this would be a great opportunity to help the burn community at large. COVID has been hard on everyone, hardly anyone got to burn this year, and being stuck at home is hard on mental health. To inform this kind of writing, I highly recommend the tiny book from AK Press: We Will Not Cancel Us And Other Dreams of Transformative Justice by adrienne maree brown. It was written this year in response to activist communities tearing themselves apart. You can also check out the blog post that inspired the book: unthinkable thoughts: call out culture in the age of covid-19. AK Press also offers a “Mediators Toolkit,” “Fumbling Towards Repair A Workbook for Community Accountability Facilitators,” and “Are we done fighting?” which could also be helpful.
Believe me, I know I just asked for a ton… it’s still 2020 and COVID is still a thing and it’s about to be the holidays. I fully understand that it’s a huge ask, but it would be so nice to have this addressed and not carried all the way through 2021. It would be lovely to give the community some time to heal before the next time we gather to build Mysteria.
I would personally love to see a shift in the culture to one that is more supportive and compassionate. We lost *a lot* of burners this year to suicide — I contemplated it myself as did HP this summer — and we will keep losing more community members to suicide if something doesn’t change. One particularly cruel comment was made by CL’s mother regarding a person on CL’s list putting a bullet in his brain. Not only did CL choose to leave that comment up, but dozens of our community members positively reacted in support. WHAT HAVE WE BECOME!?! Nothing that anyone has done to upset CL deserves a death wish. Alas, that’s how far people are willing to take this and it is horrifying.
Thank you for your time reading this and for everything you do for our community. It’s a big job, and I know it is often thankless, and I want you all to know that I appreciate your efforts.
Please, I truly am begging you to do what you can to help this community heal.